Not Satire: The Onion Buys Infowars

OPINION: Why it will backfire.

Jones at a protest in Dallas in 2013 by Sean P. Anderson from Dallas, TX

The Onion - a satire site that ceased to be funny years ago - has won the auction to buy out Infowars. This move will backfire, and let me explain why.

Alex Jones was one of the first casualties of the Censorship War that has engulfed the West since the Obama era. One of the first in the alternative media to be kicked off of YouTube and then Twitter, Alex Jones arguably became more popular after the shutout.

Of course, the mainstream media has gone out of its way to demonize and destroy Alex Jones and his company Infowars, especially as the brand became more and more popular.

The main thrust of the demonization of Alex Jones was the Sandy Hook shooting incident. The narrative from the media is that Jones incited his supporters to harass the families of Sandy Hook victims.

Note here how calling out alleged “incitement” is the same tactic now used to try to discredit and deplatform Trump. It doesn’t matter that the mainstream media itself is constantly engaged in low-grade and not-so-low-grade incitement against anyone they deem deplorable.

Never mind the woke woman who murdered her own father on election night - nor the fact that the spouse (who was absent, it appears) has been a writer for corporate left publications like The Daily Beast and Conde Nast’s trans news website Them. Never mind the TDS guy who killed his entire family after Trump won. The selective outrage against “incitement to violence” only goes one way.

I have listened to Alex Jones on and off throughout the years. Initially, I listened to him because he was very critical of Bush/Cheney and the Iraq war. I didn’t always agree with Alex Jones. Sometimes, I would just listen to him because he’s entertaining and often hilarious. I stopped listening to him regularly some years ago because I got busy and was also tired of the outrage.

But I listened to Infowars regularly around the time of Sandy Hook. Not once do I recall him inciting any sort of violence against Sandy Hook parents. I do recall a guest who came on and flat out said Sandy Hook was a psyop and false flag, and not real. I recall Jones playing the part of a polite host and entertaining, but not necessary endorsing, this view. I can’t say for sure that Jones didn’t go balls out and call all Sandy Hook parents “crisis actors” who needed to be condemned, but I certainly don’t remember it either.

The bottom line, I don’t believe that Alex Jones deserved to have his business torn apart because of that. I believe we need free speech, which sometimes includes questioning things, even if the line of questioning is downright ridiculous.

And even though I think people like Joy Reid create the toxic environment that enables assassination attempts on Trump, I would never try to silence her or shut down MSNBC. I would criticize, not censor.

The minute the Sandy Hook families’ defamation suit morphed from getting reasonable damages for distress, and turned into a vindictive, all-out onslaught to utterly destroy Infowars, I stopped having any sympathy for those families.

It’s too easy to weaponize grief like this. Any nefarious group could try to stop someone’s free speech by purposefully targeting and harassing key demographics in the name of said someone, providing a “justification” for censorship. This is a greased, slippery slope.

Now, let’s take a peek at what the fake CEO, Bryce P. Tetraeder, of The Onion has to say about the purchase. “He” writes in part, in what is supposed to be satirical but falls flat:

Founded in 1999 on the heels of the Satanic “panic” and growing steadily ever since, InfoWars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses. With a shrewd mix of delusional paranoia and dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks, they strive to make life both scarier and longer for everyone, a commendable goal. They are a true unicorn, capable of simultaneously inspiring public support for billionaires and stoking outrage at an inept federal state that can assassinate JFK but can’t even put a man on the Moon.

I realize this is a lame attempt at humor, but let’s break this down. First, Infowars was never an explicitly Christian show nor was it founded over the so-called Satanic panic. I’ll also note here that a few decades later, we now have mainstream Satanists who are trying to put statues of Baphomet in public places, so The Onion can eff right off with that stupid 2001 snark.

Next, who really is “brainwashing and controlling the masses”? Gee, could it be instead the New York Times, network and cable news, and even The Onion? God forbid we have any self-reflection here.

Note also how The Onion slams “dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks” - that’s right, don’t take vitamins, line up for your next replicon mRNA shot. Yeesh.

What’s this “capable of simultaneously inspiring public support for billionaires” line about? Oh, that’s right. The corporate left, largely funded by billionaires, likes to single out Elon Musk for being a billionaire. Lame, stupid, juvenile. As if the people who own The Onion were just normal people living hand to mouth. Give me a break!

And finally:

Now let’s really stop to think about this. Hmmm…taking a shot at a man in an open convertible with no bulletproof shield surrounding him versus…putting a man on the moon in 1969. We can’t even get astronauts safely to and from the International Space Station in 2024. Do you even listen to yourself?

The point isn’t whether we really went to the moon or not. The point is, mainstream outlets like The Onion want to stop you from using your brain and questioning things by making it “uncool” to question things. Mainstream narratives like a successful moon landing become a “dogma” we can’t question.

This is why The Onion is no longer funny. It uses low energy caustic nastiness to mock any real attempts at changing corrupt power structures. It’s the Internet equivalent of late night talk show humor, now twisted to keep people from questioning the establishment by mocking all that is anti-establishment. It inverts. It speaks power to truth.

Bottom line: The Onion, which was shrewd and funny when it first launched, has lost the plot over the years. When I occasionally visit it to see if the funny has improved, I’m often bombarded with juvenile sex jokes or incomprehensible weirdness.

For example, a recent Onion headline proclaims:

“Cloaked Hillary Clinton Beckons Harris To Follow Her Into Woods”

OK, that sounds promising, but then I click on the article to uncover a paragraph of mushy nothingness.

At any rate, the reason The Onion bought Infowars is to turn it into a parody site, most likely to make propaganda to try to discredit media outsiders like Alex Jones. I could be wrong. Maybe it will be genuinely funny.

But this is unlikely.

In April of 2024, The Onion was actually sold and purchased by Global Tetrahedron, a new company founded by past Twilio CEO Jeff Lawson, NBC News reporter Ben Collins, past TikTok executive Leila Brillson, and past Tumblr executive Danielle Strle. Lawson had to resign from Twilio due to unhappy investors; he was an advocate for DEI policies. The new executive team kept the old Onion writers, ensuring continued mediocrity at the fading satire site.

Meanwhile, they can’t shut up Alex Jones, because thankfully we still have free speech in America. Now that the “evil billionaire” Elon Musk bought Twitter, Alex Jones is now on X. Alex Jones also has a new media website, AlexJones.Network. For Infowars archives, check out the Ron Gibson Channel on BitChute.

There’s this thing called the “Streisand Effect,” which means, people are more likely to pay attention when you go over the top in trying to shut someone up. Thus, Alex Jones may become even more popular now. I will certainly make more of an effort to listen to him again, just because other people are telling me I shouldn’t.

The Onion may also inadvertently send people to the real Alex Jones when their parody Infowars site launches. Readers may want to see who exactly The Onion is making fun of, so they’ll end up finding the real Alex Jones. I’ll bet the new Infowars will accidentally “red pill” many in this way.

Meanwhile, check out other, funnier satire sites, including The Babylon Bee, Genesius Times, and our own sister site The Cheesy Reader.